Guruku

This is a memory.

Sewaktu umur 6 tahun, guru tadika aku pernah buat sesuatu yang aku ingat sehingga kini. Aku tak ingat nama nya tapi memori yang paling aku ingat adalah dia pernah bagi kepada ibuku lukisan warna yang aku hasilkan. Aku warna gambar lembu dengan warna hijau. My mum still have a laugh. Heck, I am that dumb.

So bila di sekolah rendah, tahun 3 :umur 9 tahun - aku ada seorang guru bahasa inggeris namanya mariam or mariah. I dont remember. But what i do remember is that i got my daily slap from her. Saya tak suka bahasa inggeris dan guru tu pernah cakap yang saya takkan bole belajar bahasa inggeris. She almost able to kick me out from school. Pada suatu hari, she send me and a friend of mine- Sony ke bilik guru besar. Sementara Sony sedang berdepan dengan Guru Besar- i sit outside. Setelah hampir beberapa minit, PK1 notice i was sitting outside and invites me to her room. Peristiwa ini saya ingat dengan detail sebab ia adalah peristiwa yang merubah kehidupan ku. Dalam bilik PK1, saya hanya duduk dan diam. She try to talk to me but nothing happen. So she give me a magazine. Majalah KAWAN. I could not read. But i like the book. So she actually agent utk majalah tu, sesiapa nak beli kena jumpa dia untuk tempahan. So she say to me..langgan la kalau suka. I was like..saya tak mampu. She says - bayar ansuran. Bila ada duit bayar. On that day until i finish school, saya langgan majalah tu dan banyak actually hutang. Hopefully dihalalkan. After being in her office, suddenly another case happen and Guru Besar lupa tentang saya dan PK1 suruh saya balik ke kelas dengan majalah tu. That week was the last week I see Sony. If its not for that PK1, I would no longer be in that school myself. And if not for her, I would not be in love with a book.

So the next year.. Tahun 4 - another teacher. Her name is Aishah, my mum know her.. We are in the same village. I dont know what i did wrong but again Im the trouble kid and got my daily slap from her too. Its not about her that much. That year is the year I learn my ABC.. Thank to my friend, Zain. He was sitting next to me and he really teach me alot about reading. I dont know he remember or not what he did but the only reason im in the class and learning is because of him. I still remember him and how he being himself help me to learn my ABC.

The rest of the schooling years, friends such as Anas, Syazwani, and Akmal - they really help alot. Budak yang rabun dan baru tahu membaca dan menulis, banyak dibantu oleh diaorg ini. Something happen in year 5, saya dipisahkan dari kelas tu. Then zaman dibuli sehingga berakhirnya tahun 6. Waktu tahun 6, Shahima- Filzah and geng geng perempuan banyak membantu: study group di Maktad Persekutuan Penang.. Learning is fun.

Never in my mind, I end up in SMK BJ. The first day, I was the first person to arrived disambut oleh Pengetua. Kitaorg balik selepas semua orang mula datang. So only the next day, I met everyone. It was a struggle. English was that struggle. I am that kid that barely able to read English. I remember how awful its was. But the next two years, I try my hardest.

I hits rock bottom in education during Form 3. I could not learn as fast and as good as everyone else. Saya gagal dalam sejarah dan subject lain mula going down as well. English is getting better but Im not good enough.

What happen was, I realize failure is a choice. I can choose to be on the path of failure. Which i did. I start by leaving subject that i dont like and focus on what i do like. When im good at what i do like, i start to look at why i dislike the thing that im not good at. I dislike Sejarah. What i did  that yeara was, I learn sejarah in a lot of ways. And i try to find a way that i like. For me, if i like something there is no way Im not good at it. So banyak pendekatan yang dicuba. Nota ringkas, mind map, komik writing and almost everything. Nothing works. At that moment, I realize Im different. I love words. Reading a thousand words make my mind alive and words are powerful. A story need a beginning and ending. So I told myself, start with Hikayat Melayu. I read history like i never read before. And that is me. That Form 3 Afzal, just able to crack up the side of my brain that enable me to think in a way that I never knew I could.

I love words. And not until I was in Maktab and University, I truely understand that why its harder for me to do all that others are doing and why its easier for me to do what i do and others say its hard for them. I have learning difficulties. It open my eyes. As a teacher now, its really close to my heart when i see kids struggling to read or being understood. No one want to fail. But not many people realize you can choose to fail when you needed the most. If I dont allow myself to fail and focus on thing that I like. I will not discover the side of me that going to push myself beyond my ability.

Your teacher is yourself. Its not that person who help you or guide you to be successful, they just there for you to discover who you are and what you able to do. If you want to learn, start by being a teacher to yourself. Understood who you are, and start to think that by yourself.

Read, read and read.

No one can teach you. If you not teaching yourself how to learn.