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I ’m at the moment in life where I feel annoyed watching other people happiness. Its kinda sickening for myself to felt this way but at the same time, I know that I should allowed myself to feel this way caused pretending that I’m ok is not ok! Its really tough to be good, having a good heart; I applaud person who could go above and beyond when dealing with other people. For me, I could be good with you to the extend that if you don’t understand me, I don’t really care. As friendship goes, I will help my friends and those who is close with me, but if its starting to make me worried and annoyed so you kinda know I will distance myself from you. It’s not always all jolly in life. We all share our own up and down. No doubt the difficult time make us think about person who could help us. And we should cherish that person willingness to give us a hand. In reality, those hand are the one that hurt the most. I like to help people, and being “nice” is the most frequent excuses fro

Today I wrote this for my little Ning Baizura. I don’t really like her when she first appear in front of my door. At that time I have my own Aida Jebat, and Aida will scream everytime she detect other are around . Not only screaming, she will also chase all the other bitches out from my house. To Aida, I’m hers. Unfortunately Aida gone missing. She never come back. I think she is dead. She can’t survived on her own and it might be my fault. I make her feel safe and when I’m not around there is no protection for her. I’m a bit upset but Ning is still here. She always come around and she learn to give in to Aida whenever Aida throw a tantrum. Ning is a survival, but Ning is not pretty. She is silent in her action and independent on her own. I start to like her when I notice she know how to play around my mood and she could read my reaction toward her. She will follow me around when she know I’m lonely and she will not touch me or force me to play with her when I’m not in the mood. I

Our mind work wonder and they can be easily drifted to discover new areas of interest or discomfort. My mind is equally unique. I can think while I’m asleep or can sleep while I’m thinking, its seem never to stop and at moment I just need time to be alone beyond its capability. Walking, gardening, writing, painting and colouring give my mind space to rest and slowly power down so that my body can work and I could be more focus. Lack of focus is not my problem but the real problem is to have the same areas of focus as everyone else. That is something I always have trouble with. It never fun to not know how to do it normally and how to keep it simple. At certain time, its so simple and seem to be annoyingly regular. So where is the line between creative thinking and conscious thought. There is no line, ideas just generate itself and image, voices come to life in order to empower the motion into action with resulting awareness and readiness to act. Sounded simple and could work if yo

2017 - budget and dream. October 27 2017 will be the most important date to determine the hope for our current Prime Minister, Najib Razak. He could be so bold and daring in controlling Malaysian spending and yet he is so numb and heartlessly dwelling for bringing the gaps between affordable and luxury. Malaysia now is at its peak of financial chaos, the development and program that was design to give a positive outlook toward high-income country is becoming alarming difficult for its people to cope with. More spending and focus on investment, control and gratification on subject matter for political interest and no fundamental evident for any input toward Ringgit growth and KLCI values. More and more pyramid scheme and investment companies that bite on its people for profits and bankruptcy. No significant bonus for government agencies and the lack of result in closing the gap between lower income and middle income with the introduction of BR1M, make people question where is the mo

The ability to learn is something unique to everyone. We don’t walk in a day, we all have our own limits and from this we learn who we are. I always struggle in my life especially in the educational field and yet I’m a teacher. Growing up is hard, I could barely understand colour at the age of 6 and when I’m 9 years old - I just discover alphabets. I still remember the surprise I discover when I was 12 years old, my real name. I been in primary school for 6 years and it quiet interesting that I finally know how to spell and pronoun my own name at the very end of schooling. Its this limitation that make me look at education differently from everyone. Being a kid who does not understand the world to the kid that actually could read every pages of the world history like its happen in front of me is beyond the imagination. My biggest struggle is believing that I am achieving at the same pace as everyone else while trying to figure out how does everything work. I don’t give myself reas

Pada hari yang sunyi , bersendirian diri ini dengan di minda terdetik kenangan ketika mempunyai sahabat yang kini semuanya jauh dari pandangan. Berkawan dan bersahabat tidak mungkin berkekalan sepanjang masa, ada yang datang dan pergi, ada yang muncul ketika delima serta hilang ketika bahagia. Kenangan hidup menjadi abadi. Walau apa pun rupa sahabat, hidup ini perlu berkawan jika tidak udara menjadi racun dan akal menjadi duri memakan diri dalam derita dan kesunyian.  Bersendirian menulis pemikiran dan sendirian membentuk tafsiran menjadikan diri ini begitu sunyi. Esok mungkin membawa keceriaan tetapi menunggu masa berlalu merentas detik merupakan langkah yang panjang dan penuh dengan pelbagai pemikiran. Bukan dengan senang kita mahu mencari kawan. Bersama, berpandangan dan berseloka berbual bicara itu madah diri ini yang amat sukar untuk diperolehi. Yang berdekatan berdiam diri dan yang berjauhan sibuk menyiapkan diri dengan kehidupan kelak semuanya terpisah dan menjadi asing