alfeztales

Around 4years ago I met a guy. It wasn’t suppose to meant anything. I was down and heartbroken and he was available. I spend a night at his place and that was a mistake. A mistake that eat me up ever since. I was in love. I’m still in love. I dunno. It was stupid. It’s stupid! The guy is so perfect. He is perfection. And the worse part is that I don’t even like him cause he is cute and good looking. I wish it could be just the appearance so that I could be shallow and blaming myself for being stupid in love with look. But NO! I wrote a list of a perfect person that I wanted to be my partner when I was 15. It was a list that have almost 30 stuff in it and he fit everything. I don’t know what God trying to do. But OH GOD! I can’t stop even a moment not thinking about him. You make the perfect person and show me the perfect person and the perfect person is out there - I can’t have him. i know I don’t deserve him. I did even told him about this obsession. And it make w

I write because I want to feel empowered by my own thought. It is in my head, apart of me and my other self that I often keep to myself. So today I’m going to write a little bit about bully. Its a word that make me who I am today. I’m a bullied victim. Verbally, people call me _ pondan/sissy _stupid/bodoh _ugly _fat _poor/miskin Being 30, I still got people say those thing behind me or directly at me. Those words hurt me especially bila aku umur 9 tahun - 12tahun.. like really hurt me at that time; I got parent who don’t want me be friend with their son/daughter and call me “miskin”. I go to the toilet during recess and boys will call me “pondan”. I can’t even pee in peace and literally they say I got a small penis. I still remember at age of 12.. in December year 2000, I told myself- I don’t want to be that “atan” no more. I realize I have my own name and I’m going to be a different person. Now those negative words still lingering around me but it’s